Loosening The Bonds of Racial Tension

Loosening The Bonds of Racial Tension

Here goes. I am an old white guy living in Atlanta - the capital of southern racism - who wants to make a statement about race relations in America today. It's not an easy task, mainly because racial unrest is reportedly high, at least that's what we see daily on television news reports. And, what does an old white guy raised in a racially segregated Chicago 60 years ago know about the issue of today's African Americans?

To answer that, allow me to establish myself as one who speaks from experience, not from a vacuum. This is really not about my trying on the hero's mantle, but a treatise as to why I feel my observations are mat least marginally credible.

I will stick to things I know and not deal with things I don't. I will couch things in the context of a lifetime spent in social services, not banking. I have seen the other side and today I have a slew of friends who are people of color. Yes, we know each other's names and phone numbers. Three of my ethnic neighbors regularly tell me I am their "favorite" neighbor, maybe because I do everything I can to help them, as they do for me.

Regularly, to my wife's embarrassment, I speak to strangers, many of whom are African Americans who seem pleased to engage in conversations, and often stranger hugs. Things like this used to annoy me when my dad did them, but I have his outgoing nature and use it as an ambassador for racial goodwill every chance I get. (Now my kids get embarassed with me.)

Maybe its because of the over-publicized nature of racial tension in America, and my upbringing and experience, but I go out of my way to open doors for ethnic strangers, some of whom are older than me, but also for those younger who look shocked to see a smiling, chatty old white guy showing them such respect.

I interact playfully with almost every African American person I meet. And they always respond politely and with warmth. I love every one of my "kids" who serve as waiters in restaurants and clerks in stores, many of whom work in jobs that are far from career-level opportunities. I also ask if I can take their pictures so I can remember their names the next time we meet. My wife and I also help a number of them with tangible and emotional support when we perceive a need. It is no stretch to say that I am positively involved with, not removed from, the African American and ethnic pulse of my world.

As I said, I am no hero, just a friendly old guy who wants to reach across the racial barriers to make my neighborhood and city a better place, one encounter at a time.

That said, my first observation about today's unrest is that there is a great deal of pent-up anger in both white and black communities. Some is spilling out right now in the cities, and some is boiling beneath the surface of people fed up with all the crying we see from community activists who appear to want us to hate each other. Because of them, a racial war is not something that can be discounted as impossible in the near future.

Most of these tensions are NOT generated, however, by average citizens. Everywhere I go people are friendly, if not deferential, polite, generous, kind and courteous. My feeling is that very few people create any problems but most want peace. Clearly, it's the professional racists who feed on fear and anger, taking every opportunity to stir up the passions of marginalized youth for some ideological or political gain.

When national leaders of racial movements see the opportunity to advance their agenda in front of a camera, they naturally seize it. They often import protestors, rioters and convince vulnerable kids to “feel the burn”,  and naturally some choose to hit the streets, usually armed with bad behavior and catchy slogans that are neither accurate nor fair.

It doesn't matter that Trevon was the aggressor in his tragic shooting case,  and according to grand jury eye witnesses, he never said "Hands up, don't shoot!". But the professional racists perpetuate that chant because it supports their script, true or not.

Finally, every shooting by a police officer, justified or not, is a tragedy, but the professional race-baiters want it to be all about racism, maybe because it helps their political agenda. Each shooting or beating is a different case, each tragic, all based in the moment and the actions of both parties, not just “racists” cops.

The perception that white cops are always out to abuse and diminish minorities is pure bull. Does that ever happen? Sure, but not as much as the professionals want you to think. Remember, racial tension is good for their brand, but not for America.

To the race baiting professionals, the masses of people peacefully and respectfully co-existing is not good for business. I believe they crave the opportunity to get in front of the camera as the public voice for all oppressed minorites, pleading for funding while vieing for the empty throne of the noble Martin Luther King Jr.

I find myself trapped between loving every African American I know, and hating the race I don't know. How is that possible? The answer is simple. African Americans are not being served well by those who clam to represent them or report on them. The business of racism is pure gold when it hits the air waves, but I never experience those angry protestors in my world. I see wonderful people who contribute far more to me than I do to them.

Truthfully, if either side of the color line base their feelings in the bunk the media sells, not face to face interactions, they will either become overt or subliminal racists, and the tension created by them will only be released in violence and more tragedy.

The dream of MLK is the same for all of us.  Let's do what we can to forget the color of our race and just be contributing members of the human race.

Jack C. Getz

The WholeTruth

Whenever I hear people talk about a "half truth" I wonder what they mean. To me it implies part of a statement is true, but part is also untrue, so you get the best of both worlds rolled into one. You can lie and get away with something as long as some modicum of what you say sounds plausible, or even just well-intended.

It sounds like what politicians do with every breath.

In moving toward my own personal and social integrity, I discovered something powerful about this thing called truth. Like a coin, truth has two distinct yet complementary sides. One side is truth - telling things correctly, and the other side is honesty - telling things completely. Don't be fooled. There is a huge difference between the two. That's' why the truth coin carries more value than any other currency. Truth is the external search for reality. Honesty is internal search for it.

That couplet is more than a clever use of language. It's the bedrock foundation of all human healthy communication and is also the source of most of our difficulties in society. It's relatively inexpensive to tell things correctly, but it's incredibly costly to tell things completely.

A homey illustration help us understand the difference. If I ask you if you left the restaurant server a tip, you can say yes or no. If you say yes, I assume all is well. But if you left only a penny and kept that to yourself, your truthfulness would be discredited by your lack of personal honesty.

Politicians do his all the time...virtually every time they speak. They use an opponent's comment out of context to paint the worst possible picture of their adversary, making them sounds awful when their position might have be quite appropriate. We saw a political advertisement last year where a man was pushing granny over the cliff in her wheel chair because he voted against a pork-filled bill. "If you don't agree with me, you are obstreperous, even hard-hearted or a hater. If you are pro-choice you hate babies and vise versa. If you support private gun ownership you are contributing to gun violence."  Such is the logic of politicians and other liars.

We hear someone trying to kill the second amendment because they want gun registrations for convicted felons. Or, someone hates clean water because they don't vote for a radical resolution that saves tadpoles but kills the farming industry of a state.

Winning politicians usuall can't be honest. It costs far too much. Those who try being ethical or logical never get out of the starting gate. Some office seekers sound truthful by saying they support clean energy, but the odds are high that they get big support from the clean energy industry.

While all of this is true, and honest, don't be too hard on our political elites, we are usually just as bad. We say things that are correct on the surface, but not complete in the details. Some statements of honesty have little consequences, like we left a tip when what we left was in fact more insulting than helpful. Only we and the truck stop server know the whole truth.

But when it comes to being honest, or complete with our lives, and the consequences too heavy to accept, we manage to wiggle out of the honesty part while desperately trying to keep some - or all - of the truthful part in tact. That's called manipulation, deflection and/or deceit. It happens when someone asks if you are having an affair and your answer is "I never had sexual relations with that woman".  That kind of answer ignores the question while attempting to present a form of truth that will get one off the hook. But it depends on skewing one's  definition of truth so others will be fooled, even though you know your ruse is sound up with dishonesty.  The cover-up is always done from fear of exposure with its consequent damages.

Jesus' simple teaching about how a person of character ought to answer questions carries significant moral weight. Let your answers be yes, or no. Anything else smacks of deceit. Or, you can't fudge the truth with a simple yes, or no.

It takes courage to make integrity-based statements, but by avoiding them you lose the positive and healing power of truth. That's why the court bailiff asks such a pointed, no escape clause type question, about your testimony: "Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" Yes means yes, and no means no. Fibbing under oath purgers one's integrity making them useless in discovering the whole truth and nothing but he truth. Speaking the whole truth and accepting the consequences is a costly and courageous act, and very few can sustain that lifestyle.

One of my literary heroes, Mark Twain, wrote his death-bed autobiography with the condition that it would not be published for one hundred years after his death. Why? He wanted to be completely honest with his thoughts because he knew that pure honesty is impossible as long as there was a chance of doing harm to himself or others.

So, a white lie, a little cover-up or a bit of deceit are the techniques we use to stay our social and personal executions. Truth is easily manipulated, unless complete honesty is included in the calculation.

This principle of honesty, as laudable as it is, is not a license to be unkind, cruel or malicious. If we live the Golden Rule and accept the concept that all we do ought to be balanced by love and human civility, we may avoid looking like, or worse acting like those political creatures we so detest, both in and out of the government.

Honesty is the best policy is a good furry little proverb as long as we understand
that it also has very sharp teeth. As Hawthorne said in The Scarlet Letter: "Every man is living two." Some of our favorite living adages are like the cute fluffy little squirrels that entertain us in our yards. They are so winsome! Unless you get too close. Honesty is the same way. It's easy to claim or enjoy from afar, but when it jumps on you lap look out!

Okay, chew on this for awhile, and like me, look in the mirror while you do. It's personal, not social.

Jack Getz
July 9, 2016

Toward a Civil Political Understanding in America

Politics Made Civil

Thinking today as a big picture person, I want to share some thoughts about the nature of our political divisions, without seeking to imply inferiority or superiority in either camp. This is big picture, objective (?) not small individualized labeling.

I speak of the two parties as liberals and conservatives, for lack of better terms, understanding the feelings that both words inspire positive and negative feelings. Not all liberals want to be called liberals but prefer the word progressive. Not all conservatives like the implications of the word conservative and may prefer moderate. Certainly, both camps have their moderates, but it's the radicals that stir the ire of their opponents and draw most of the fire from the opposition. Crazed liberals are only matched by crazed conservatives in their aborant behaviors...and vice versa - should my using liberals first offends anyone.

Keeping this simple, I have drawn the major positive characteristics of the two movements, hoping not to offend or misrepresent either. Pretend you are a Martian looking for a political party as you
read these thoughts.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Liberals are primarily big picture, cause oriented people. They see life in terms of keeping a
balance between the haves and the have nots. They increase the influence of the federal government
and see it as the only legitimate and objective hope for society. Corporations may be good for
political donations but they are often described by the greed that motivates them. The rich are
the oppressors of the poor so the poor need advocacy from the elites in society who know what's best for others. For the liberal, government regulation is the only thing that protects and saves society from the ravages of greedy big business.

The CAUSE always trumps the means of achieving it. The CAUSE will often disregard anything that stands in its way. Too many people die from gun violence so ban guns, override the Constitution etc.
 Health care must be available to every person, even non-citizens. Do whatever is necessary to
Achieve it. The end justifies the means.

Liberals generally operate under DEDUCTIVE reasoning, first seeing the general picture then deducing particular issues and principles about it. EXAMPLE: Guns kill people so banning or limiting guns is the solution. The budget - or procedure - is NOT the most important factor, the CAUSE is.

Liberals value civil rights over civil responsibility.

The extremes of Liberalism are Communism and anarchy.

The liberal believes that the solution to poverty is found in large programs and federal departments that give the disenfranchised a safety net, or entitlements. A massive spending bill addresses the needs of society and pays for it by raising taxes on the "rich" who have too much money.

Pushing money up to the federal level is how problems are solved.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Conservatives are by practice smaller picture people. They may be considered INDUCTIVE thinkers. The tragic violence resulting from individuals breaking the existing law and abusing their responsibility to bear arms is less important than protecting the sanctity of the Second Ammendment. Citizens losing their guns only enhances the power of the federal government, which is almost always a bad thing.

They believe the greatest harm done in society is allowing the bloated, deficit-driving government to eat more of the taxpayers money and determine to "best" way to live, as opposed to allowing private industry (both corporate and individual) and the supply and demand function of capitalism to determine the nature of society.

The PROCESS must be applied to every CAUSE. Healthcare reform is necessary, but only if the PROCESS of funding and obtaining all the answers are achieved first. Guns tragically kill too many people but there are current laws on the books that, if enforced, will solve many of the issues. The PROCESS is equal to the CAUSE.  The means justify the ends.

Government regulation is necessary in some areas, but to over-regulate is the downfall of the economy. Small businesses drive the engines of society and deregulation will more often help than hurt society. The poor need opportunity more than government "hand-out" entitlement programs that reduce individual incentive. The power of the individual and the individual states is more important than the heavy hand of the federal government.

Conservatives value civil responsibility over civil rights.

I don''t know what the extremes of conservatism is, possibly a form of constitutional fascism.

The conservative believes people need a helping hand that encourages individual responsibility and industry, and only severely disadvantaged individuals should receive ongoing assistance and that should come from the states, not the federal government.

Massive spending bills are seen as wasteful and politically driven by conservatives who believe in balancing budgets by cutting waste and unnecessary programs. Tax cuts are the best way to jump-start the economy because individuals are this empowered to invest and spend money as they think is best.

Allowing money to flow down to the citizen is the way most problems are solved.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Both sides seek the best for society.
Both sides believe the other's radicals are out of touch and dangerous.
Both sides err in their excesses.
Both sides distrust the motives of the other.
Both believe in civil liberties but the degree is the issue.
Neither side likes to compromise and will only do so is they detect the
         opportunity for political gain.
Neither side wants to relinquish political power.
Neither side believes anything the other side says.
Neither side thinks they carry any of the blame for the ills of society.
Etc.

I say we need a third party. Two is a natural divider. Three demands compromise and conversation. I will leave it there and see what you think.

 Jack Getz
April 21, 2016

Keep It Real

David Hume, the 18th century philosopher said something that strikes me as brilliant, and important in any discussion about God.  "To cite the order of the universe is insufficient, since there is also evidence of disorder, and both require explanation by the cause one assigns." The Birth of the Modern Mind - Alan Charles Kors.  Page 74.

Hume's philosophy addressed the popular 18th century belief that God's existence is proved by the natural order of the universe. You know, every tree or plant speaks brilliantly of the divine through its very existence, function, purpose and interaction with other living or inert organisms: leaves catch the sun and the rain, feed the branches, produce oxygen and ultimately they sustain the roots. So, because of order and beauty in nature, it's an easy leap to suggest that the Creator has the same qualities.

But Hume poked a hole in that tissue-thick argument by asking a simple, yet difficult question, "What about the disorder?" In other words, did the chaos of nature serve the opposite purpose of popular natural philosophy by regular demonstration that not all the universe was perfect, predictable and orderly?

Hume's logical question is one I claimed before I ever read about him. It was an intuitive response to "Solar Christians" who wax on (and on) about God's beneficence through his involvement in nature. They suggest that every sunset is his "handiwork" and every sunny day is his gift to humankind.

I, like Hume, long to counter such sanguine observations by asking how they define and explain the devastation of a psunami, or an earthquake that kills thousands? Are they also his handiwork, or does the God of creation only get credit for beauty, but never blame for ugliness?

The stunted logic and emotionally spiritualized observations that credits god with order but not chaos bothers me.  I am not out to ruin anyone's love-fest with the almighty. I am, however, trying to find a place where I can join them without selling out my need for balance. So far, I haven't found that place.

The yin and yang of a divine identity search demands that if one believes beautiful sunsets are his doing,  then things like tsunamis, are either his, or not. The awe inspiring beauty of the star-filled night must somehow be balanced by chaos and ugliness in the universe. How often do we hear about the good god's "miraculous" healing but never about the evil god's negligence that allowed a young wife and mother to die too soon?

Too many suggest, or worse really believe, that the opposite of divine beauty and order must be either Satan, or sin. You know, Adam and Eve were cast out of paradise because of justifiable divine justice, but the same God had nothing to do with poor Able's death. And bless all those weather-watching-believers who credit the benevolence of the friendly weather god with providing  badly needed rain to drought stricken California, yet won't ever blame the brute who floods out poor rain soaked Louisiana.

So is God fairly praised for the rain and the rainbows but never associated with the same rain that floods the cities somewhere else? If he sends the good rain and gets credit for it, isn't it okay to blame him when it's bad rain?  Can the rain god be good when someone's really dry garden gets a good soaking without being bad when the annual Sunday School picnic gets rained out?

The Bible suggests the rain falls of the just and the unjust, meaning that rain is neither a tool of God's love, nor a symbol of his enmity. It's just rain. Similarly, cancer is not a divine trick to scare a wayward sheep back into the fold, it's cancer.  If something is good today and bad tomorrow, maybe it's neither the handiwork or curse of some divine being, but a natural consequence of life.  It can't be good when a loved one is saved and bad when another loved one dies of the same disease. It is not about favor, grace or mercy when it works out unless it's also rude, negligent and cruel when it doesn't. Remember, Hume says that if God is proved by order, he must be disproved by disorder.

Balance is part of the beauty of nature, of life and of God. A baby is born. Someone dies. Leaves sprout in Spring then die in the Fall. Big ugly animals  kill small cute bunnies to live. Mosquitoes and bats exist to each other's benefit, and not every creature is as cute as a puppy or a kitten. And, human beings joyfully find someone to love, then sadly lose them. If any of life is about God, all of it is.

God must be seen in the entire natural cycle of life, not just the happy half. So, if a baby seal is eaten by a polar bear, it doesn't mean god is pro polar bear, or anti-baby seal. It's just life.

It's an ordered universe, seen in the orbits of the tiniest neutrino and the largest star. It's in the delicate beauty of the spring flower as well as in the violence of a dissolving glacier. To suggest that only the good side of nature represents God is naive at best, and breathlessly foolish at worst.

Recognizing the reasonable balance of both rain and drought, life and death and beauty and ugliness is a far more accurate way to see God, and those difficult questions about why ugliness exists - and who's fault it is - are swallowed in another powerful question, "why not?"

JG

The Miracle of Turning Mourning Into Comfort

The Miracle of Turning Mourning Into Comfort

"Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted". Book of Matthew.

The Beatitudes are familiar platitudes that offer instruction and direction in the nature of righteousness and hope for the afflicted.

  

Taken at face value, the often interchangeable words Blessed and Happy are useful images of grace, but they fall short of reaching the full meaning of the original word "Blessed". In fact, it's not unreasonable to ask how things like meekness, woundedness, persecution and poverty can lead to happiness or a sense of being blessed. 

The mystical overtone of these promises defies common logic and leaves one wondering how it is possible to feel really good in bad situations. Some suggest that the back-loaded reward of each beatitude is not intended to be paid here and now but cashed in on that eternal day when all the crooked ways will be straight and the uneven places leveled. In truth the last beatitude suggests that those brave souls who are  persecuted for being righteous now will rejoice and be exceedingly glad because their reward in heaven will be great. 

It's easy to get into some trouble expecting that all the promises will accrue here on earth, yet there is some immediate reason for hope when reading "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled" or "Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

That sounds like now to me.

cal review of each beatitude, I want to focus on the issue of mourning and comfort because there is an overwhelming need for comfort, just in my world.  

Mourning is not something anyone willingly seeks, but is something that comes at times of loss. I have learned that the more intimate the loss, the more intense the mourning experience will be. If I spill a cup of coffee, I have an easily remedied loss on my hands, and my mourning should be limited to a flash of gentle anger or a splash of mild self reproach. 

As the consequences and intimacy of one's loss increases, however, the duration and intensity of mourning increase proportionally. When we lose things we may mourn, but because  a reasonably accommodating solution is within our grasp, we forget and go on. 

But when we lose people, important people, or some other irreplaceable commodity, the loss is unspeakably painful and maddeningly persistent. 

Human loss, the most exquisite of losses, takes many forms such as divorce, breakups, abandonments, separations, and the most difficult of all, death. So, as long as there is a possibility for recovery, there is hope. But when death removes our hope of reunion, it's opposite, despair sets in. 

Some people of faith take comfort in the idea that there will be some sort of happy reunion in the hereafter, so the sting of death is removed, at least to a degree and St. Paul suggests that without hope, we are most miserable people. 

He was right. Clearly a loss of some hope leads to despair, but a
complete loss of hope leads to desperation. When we witness a desperate act, there is a hopeless person behind it. 

I understand that some forms of mourning pass quicker than others. When I lost my aging parents, five weeks apart, I grieved intensely several months. And while I continue to mourn now, the acute pain is gone, replaced by fond but fading memories.  

Last year my sister's husband died instantly, without warning. My brother and friend of fifty years was suddenly gone. I still can't believe it and feel a loss that isn't easily overcome - as if overcoming such a loss is the best way to handle such moments. While my mourning was great, my sister's was far greater, and is still acute, every hour of every day. 

Yes, there are things we learn from our losses, hopefully many things, great losses always occupy our frontal lobe. Even when we hear someone is "doing okay", we fool ourselves into thinking that everything is back to normal for them, and they have "gotten on". Truthfully, with great loss there is no more acceptable normal. 

One friend lost her husband four years ago, and when asked how she is doing, she says, "Life goes on but it's not fun anymore". Another couple lost their beloved adult daughter about the same time, and while they don't sit around crying all day, they do spend a great deal of time thinking, sometimes weeping and always lamenting their unthinkable loss. 

Stories abound in all our lives about tragic losses of one kind or another.  Fortunately, there are two dynamics relating to loss that we can address: mourning and comfort. When Jesus said those who mourn will be comforted, even atheists pay attention. 

I BEATITUDE

In the Ancient Hellenistic Greek world, in which may New Testament teachings germinated, the word Blessed took two meanings. 

One was Beatitude, meaning emotional or eternal wellness. It was used to suggest that the inner person can find strength in difficult situations. 

Later Jesus used the word Blessed to describe a spiritual wellness that counters unseemly things like mourning, poorness, suffering and meekness. Such promises are not merely impractical words, but rest on the buttresses of internal strength and emotional calm, which in most cases is enough to carry one through tough times. 

When an individual has inner strength, or the order that creates peace, there is not much they can not overcome. The word Beatitude is variously interpreted as Blessed and/or Happy. Robert Schuller's best selling book, The Be Happy Attitudes went a long way to popularize the inherent power of positive thinking when confronted by difficult situations. It is in the inner parts of our psyche where the biggest battles are won...or lost.

II FELICITY

The other word the Greeks used to describe Blessing is Felicity, or those things related to one's physical and external prosperity. People tend to look at health, wealth or human symbols of success as blessings, even though such things may be the results of hard work, and sometimes good luck. 

For the record, Bill Gates wasn't blessed when he created Microsoft. He paid the price of success and was smart enough, when presented with opportunities,  investing 10,000 lonely hours learning how to make computers hum. The same is true for great musicians, doctors, artists, athletes or teachers. (See Malcolm Gladwell's book, Outliers for more on this subject).

[SIDEBAR: Contrary to what some say, our beautiful house is not a Felicity, it's the result of hard work, saving, sacrificing, wise choices and then making monthly payments, none of which were given to us. Some like to argue that it came from God, but I think if he gave it to us, there would be no loose ends, like mortgage payments. His blessings are undeserved graces, not hard-won outcomes.

Further, if he is in the giving away houses to good people business, why are some mafia homes better than ours, or Mother Teresa types worse?  Does he love some more or less than others?  Or does God operate on a sliding scale that rewards Americans more than Africans? 

Certainly I am grateful for our home, grateful that we have the skills and opportunities to earn the money to pay for it, grateful that I don't live in Nigeria and grateful that we have the capacity to make good choices regarding our resource allocation.]

When I started thinking about the nature of blessing, and the promise of comfort for my mourning sister and others, I discovered what it is that transforms mourning into comfort. It isn't achieved accidentally or automatically, but is both a mystery and an equation. 

First, look at what happens to mourning when three "Blessings" are removed from the equation:

 Mourning - Hope = Despair

 Mourning - Love =  Fear

 Mourning - Time =  Confusion/Turmoil

The absence of time, love and hope leave a mourner in a terrible state. Look at the three results above and see if that does not represent the early stages of mourning. If those three graces are not applied to the mourning soul, it lingers in a dark place.

Fortunately, there is another way of looking at mourning by adding the same three graces:

Mourning + Hope = Peace

Mourning + Love =  Trust

Mourning + Time =  Perspective/Calm

The transformational nature of grace is the secret behind the promise of comfort for the mourning. Grace comes, just as Beatitude does, first to the inner person via words of comfort, and second Felicitously to external issues through the loving and ongoing actions that practically demonstrate the positive power of love, hope and time. 

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted - by those who care. The miracle happens every time. 

Jack C. Getz

February 24, 2016

Sent from Jack's iPad

Satisfying Conversations

I don't like the way modern conversation has evolved. Actually, I suppose the problems with how we converse with one another are not new, but I must say I find most conversations today are more like contest centering on winning, not sharing.

Social media does  not help much because of the new shorthand that dominates communication. most Maybe that's because two fingered texting, has replaced ten fingered typing and the page is now a small box that matches our small attention spans. 

Sadly, LOL!, Good Stuff!, Cool! or Praying! are now considered appropriate responses to any of life's wide-ranging maladies, victories, tragedies, joys losses and even death. "My husband died" can be efficiently covered now to with a "Like", or writing "Praying" or adding a short comment and adding a smiling, frowning or crying emoticon. Think about the Golden Rule in your sharing.  If all you can muster when someone is hurting badly is "Praying", I have to wonder how much that promise plays out past the moment? 

Regardless of how we connect with others in cyber space, I think there ought to be some overarching principles that can assist with the creation of a far more satisfying verbal - or written converse. Here are six ideas taken from my own flawed experience that I get to post because I blog.

1) Listen more than you speak. Obviously if both parties practice this to a fault there, will be silence, something I almost never witness. Sometimes silence is the best way to communicate because it offers time to think and consider the moment.  Thoughtful people appreciate a few gaps of silence, but unfortunately, silence is uncomfortable for most so it's just fire away with all our verbal guns blazing.  If someone broaches a subject that is important enough for them to mention, go with it, don't change it to yours.

2) Don't assume your responses must all be anecdotal. There are people who can not listen to another's story, woes, joys or pain without interjecting their own story, often suffocating the spontaneity of the moment with not-so-clever musings. Usually the boss is the only one who can get away with being long winded and completely anecdotal with every utterance. Short and sweet beats long and boring every time.  

3) Don't try to top the other person's story.  If I am tickled because I found gas for a dollar a gallon, don't feel the need to say you found it for ninety eight cents.  If my wife's child labor lasted three hours, don't think that telling her yours lasted four hours will add anything to the moment. Just go with the original comment and don't assume everything ought to be overshadowed by your amazingness.

Once a fellow pastor assigned to a very small church called me to tell me they had reached thirty in attendance. I reacted immediately by saying "We had forty seven!" Almost every rule above was broken in that very short exchange. I deflated his joy and minimized his achievement in three short words. I have regretted that moment for many years and try to avoid doing it now. 

4) Rejoice, mourn or sympathize with the speaker before you think about how you are going to change the subject or overwhelm with your experience. Focus on this moment, not the next moment. We don't need our immediate feelings minimized, marginalized or monopolized by yours, we need your interest and support.  Steven Covey says it well: Seek to understand before seeking to be understood. 

One time we had friends visiting in the Fall, and I had spent the better part of two days raking leaves (before blowers were around). I bagged and placed about thirty bags by the curb, and when the guests arrived I pointed out the number of bags on the curb. one of them immediately responded with: "Oh, that's nothing! WE had fifty!" See the problem? I foolishly thought my labor was worth something, but in one instant, two days of awful work were tossed aside as being insignificant by six rashly spoken words.

5) Act interested, even surprised, when someone shares a thought or a feeling. Go with the moment for their sake and don't think about anything but them. 

6) Don't finish other people's sentences, or nod to get them to stop talking, unless they are breaking principle number one, or two, or three... Remember, we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. 

Some think the purpose of conversation is to bring the focus to themselves, so no one else really matters. I  have been that person far too many times, and I continue to be that way more than I like, but maybe writing (and reading?) this blog is my way of apologizing for past blunders and hopefully contributing a more civil discourse in the future.  

I'm learning.  

Jack

Greatest Loser Of All Time

The Greatest Loser of All Time

We have all been privy to losing quarterback Cam Newton's post Super Bowl press conference. He appeared on the podium slumped over, hiding inside a "hoodie",  giving one word, or very short, terse answers to questions about the game. He was justifiably upset with the outcome of the game, but his angry demeanor (or was it his woundedness or embarrassment?) generated a huge amount of negative press coverage in the following week.

Was he angry? It looked like it. Was he blaming his teammates? Some say he was. Was he childish? Many said yes, but some apologists suggested he was justified because he is such a great competitor, and all great competitors hate losing.

I am sure that losing irks every champion, and the higher the stakes, the greater the disappointment and frustration. Champions hate losing at anything, something Cam alluded to to at a later date. He suggested that anyone who was a champion at heart was not a very good loser.

Well, that's where I draw the line. I think Cam, at his young age, would do well to take a trip to Ohio and spend time with the greatest winner - and loser - of all time: Jack Nicklaus.  Mr. Nicklaus's is clearly a champion and a competitor, demonstrated by his incomparable golfing achievements, led by his eighteen major tournament victories, a record which will probably stand long after he is gone.

Okay, Nicklaus is clearly a great winner but I say he was an ever greater loser? Gary Player, the great South African golfing icon usually makes this point when reflecting on Jack's place as a god of golf. Player says that everyone knows how great a golfer and champion Jack is but, he was always more impressed by how gracious a loser he was.

For the record, Mr. Nicklaus won his amazing aforementioned eighteen major tournaments, but possibly even more amazing, he finished second nineteen times, in the top five fifty-six times. and in the top twenty five almost one hundred times.   So what you say?  Well, I say that finishing second in a major golf tournament may be even harder on someone than losing a super bowl.

Why? A golf tournament begins on Thursday and ends on Sunday, not even taking into account the practice rounds on Tuesday or Wednesday. That's four days of tournament hard work, requiring unending, intense focus, and mind numbing pressure, often taking place in inclement, hot or cold weather...walking all the way. There is no break for a golfer while while the defense takes the field. It's all about every shot, every decision, every crazy fan yelling "You the man!", and every gust of wind that alters all of one's careful calculations. 

One of Jack's British Open tournaments where he had yet another win, "in the bag" he watched asTom Watson chipped one in from an awful lie off the green to win, or witness Lee Trevino sinking a thirty footer to snatch victory on the last shot of another important tournament. Jack often won tournaments by breaking another competitor’s heart so he kept a balanced demeanor, win or lose.

To lead a golf major tournament may be among the most pressurized situations an athlete can experience. And finishing second, close enough to smell the roses, must be crushing. Golf fans see something like this happen almost every week, cringing or exalting when a competitor misses a four foot putt to lose or drains a forty footer to win a tournament. In virtually every case Jack Nicklaus, or virtually any other golfer agrees to answer questions, not sit, sulk or storm out of an interview.

Nineteen times in major tournaments he finished in second place, and each time, Jack sought out the winner, shook his hand and said something positive and encouraging to him. In retrospect, that example may have been as important to the champion of the trophy.

Yes, winning may build a resume, but losing builds a reputation. Jack's resume and reputation are without blemish and while Cam's resume is amazing, he would be wise to learn how to lose with a little more grace, from the greatest loser of all time, Jack Nicklaus.

The year was 1172...this time.

Maimomedes, the great Rabbi of the Middle Ages, wrote of the latest of centuries of abuse around
Europe and the Middle East, by both Christians and Arab. This was referring to the latest pogrom, this time in the once Jewish region called Yemen...that's right, Yemen.

Nothing changes, except now Israel can defend itself. For those centuries, they were as lambs to the slaughter.

the Epistle,

on account of the vast number of our sins, God has thrown us into the midst of this people, the Arabs, who have persecuted us severely and passed baneful humiliating legislation against us . . . never did a nation molest, degrade, debase and hate us as much as they . . . We have borne their humiliations and falsehoods and the absurdities that are beyond the powers of humans to bear . . . we have trained ourselves young and old to endure this humiliation as Isaiah decreed ‘I offered my back to those who flogged it and my cheeks to those who tore out my hair’ and still we do not escape their constant outbursts. We prefer peace with them yet they prefer strife and war.⁹

Lessons From Weakness - Part Two

My previous blog may have looked like a pity party, but it was supposed to be a lighthearted account of why my blog went dormant for a year. I was virtually blind in one eye for a year, and then I was given a second chance at seeing again and I am compelled to wax.

See the photo journey above. I promised I would ruminate on the lessons of that process, so here are two things I learned from being visually disabled:

1) I used to laugh at old men who said, "If you have your health you have everything". That's simplistic for sure, but the spirit of it is right. When we skip through life with good health, and then start losing it, we are drawn to philosophical and spiritual reflection.

After we have worn out out loved ones with complaints, we find ourselves alone, with something/someone we call God. Simple maladies, much less major issues, transform people into pray-ers. Adversity has a way of making us pray, often for immediate or long term wellness. Unfortunately, when we are well, we forget to express gratitude for good health in equal proportion to our cursing, crying and begging God for relief when we have the flu.

My book (listed above for sale) gets into the fervent nature of our praying when things are bad, and also suggests we migrate away from prayer when all is well. I hate to be crass, but my dad used to tell me when he was getting old that he thanked God every time he had a good bowel movement. He knew how miserable he was when his digestive system shut down, so he wasn't trying to be funny at all. Sure, there are many other things to thank God for that are less distasteful, but his point was well taken: when you have your health, you have everything!

When we aren't working well, nothing else has the capacity to shift our focus from our misery and discomfort.  Some get a really bad draw in life and develop terminal illnesses far too early. Possibly some deaths are brought on by poor living habits, but sometimes joggers drop dead without explanation as well.

Exercise your gratitude every day, and when you need an infusion of power when you feel weak, it will be there for you. If you are well, stay well and if you are not, do everything you can to get well!
That goes for your body, soul and spirit. (I write about the considerable differences between those three things in my book for sale above.)  

Note: In a future blog I will write about the difference between gratitude and thanksgiving.

2) Another old saying leads me to my second lesson: Make hay while the sun shines. We have no guarantee that we will have the tomorrows we hope for. All of us have loved ones who have left us far too soon, and when we understand our mortality, we are wise to reflect on our legacy.

This thought speaks directly to the footprints we leave behind. I left some seriously creepy footprints from one part of my life,  so I purposefully chose to leave my children and grandchildren better imprints, something positive, other than money or quickly fading memories.

One of my greatest achievements in life is that I really wrote and published "my book" (listed above for sale).  It's an audacious thing to do, but I did it anyway. It's a lasting memory of who I am, or who I was at that time. I toy with writing another someday, just to show the changing nature of my ongoing journey, but it took three years of daily, backbreaking writing to finish it, so the thought of doing another one scares me. Maybe that's why I blog.

In the Dedication I tell everyone I was motivated to do the heavy lifting by Barbara, my wife, and my children. I left them something amazing they can have and hold long after I'm gone.  The memories of our good and bad times will wane, so I really love knowing that when I am ashes, they have something tangible that will be there as long as the Library of Congress lasts.

I was here and I can prove it with something more accessible than my neglected tombstone. I don't know if I have more hay to bail, but if I don't get any more put in the barn, I did this one very good harvest. Sadly as I age, there are far too many cloudy days where the sun is not as bright as it used to be for making hay.

Keep looking for your positive lasting legacy, and don't let the clouds keep you from achieving it.

That's enough for now. I would love your comments and stories of your legacies, but I fear the settings on this blog mitigate against that. I'll check.

Jack

I Can See Clearly Now!

December 4, 2015

Fourteen months ago I started noticing strange technicolor floaters in my right eye. These were rainbow monsters with four serrated edges, like a saw, not like of those little translucent islands that most of us have bumping around in our eyes. They usually didn't linger more than a few minutes, but even that was enough for motivate a quick visit to my optometrist. After a careful examination, she made an urgent call to an ophthalmologist (surgeon) to get me an appointment ASAP.

It took a couple of weeks to get a opening in the schedule, and that led to other appointments with optical specialists located on opposite sides of the Atlanta metroplex. But, in a mere two months (sarcasm), I was scheduled for surgical procedure to repair a macular hole in my right eye. Thus the rainbow saws, I guess.

A normal healthy macula

Holey macula Batman! (Mine) 

Before I sound like one of those tedious prayer meeting medical report/requests, suffice it to say I had the surgery (which was nothing compared to the recovery: 24/7 face down to allow the gas bubble they injected to float up, holding the macula secure so it could heal.) and all went well.    

The Thrill of Macular Healing

Never mind asking how that recovery went. It was as awful as you can imagine. Maybe worse. But I did it, and in six weeks at least one of the holes in my head healed perfectly. Good as new, right? (That process only took 6 months too!) Not really. For months I had one good eye and one very blurry eye. so, to compensate for reading, driving and watching TV, I donned a pirate patch and impatiently awaiting the next shoe to drop. Which it did. 

Months of choosing between scary or blind

About three months after the surgery, as the macular specialist warned, my mostly dormant cataract began growing.  You see, the gas bubble that healed the macular hole fertilized the cataract. So, all the good healing juices left behind by the gas bubble, turned my sleepy cataract into a school bully who caused trouble for three more months while I waiting for all the presurgical appointments  to be scheduled and completed. (Sounds like our vaunted new European style healthcare system is working as planned?) 

  

                                                              

                                                                            My Post Cataract Surgical Puss

Happily, the surgery was both routine and successful, and the six weeks since have been occupied by tedious eye drop routines, and more waiting for my final post surgical exam, with new prescription. Then, after another week of waiting for my new lense, viola!! I can see again.

Contemplating the bloggable lessons of a year with bad sight - with new glasses

To be continued...

Jack

   

Thinking about Truth - Quotes to ponder and discuss with good friends.

I have been writing on a book for more than a decade. The reason I don't proceed with is twofold:

1) I have changed dramatically over the past decade and things I believed earlier in my life make little sense to me now. The reason for that is that I am on a truth-seeking quest that takes me to disappointing, if not dangerous places that require courage to openly embrace. 

My mandate is that my ultimate truth must be mine alone, not someone else's.  

2) The chapter on truth has consequently undergone at least a dozen versions, not revisions, versions. The original was designed to demonstrate how much I know, and how much I studied. It was about 95 pages long, and no one - not even my dear mother - could endure that self-seeking blather. Others are shorter, some more clever, and some are scientific, sterile and snooze worthy. I can't get a grip on how to write a chapter worthy of the subject, without sounding overly complicated, or worse, trite. 

I am still contemplating another run at it but my eye surgery and subsequent cataract (still to be removed) keep my writing to a minimum.  

Truth is the most enigmatic subject I have come across. And while brevity is my goal, it's not in my nature, so to honor truth, here are a few thoughts of others that stir my juices and come closes to making my elusive chapter a reality. Note especially the first and the last. 

Enjoy. No, maybe it's better that you be troubled by what you read. 

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It isn't until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are, that you can begin to take control of yourself. As you learn to control yourself, you will get control of your life. If you want to move the world, you must first learn to move yourself.  

Dieter F. Uchtdorf  On The Wings of Eagles. Self Mastery

Harsh reality is always better than false hope. 

Downton Abbey. Dr. 

The contrary of a truth can never be demonstrated. 

Thomas Aquinas

He that has light within his own clear breast may sit in the center, and enjoy bright day: But he that hides a dark soul and foul thoughts Benighted walks under the mid-day sun; Himself his own dungeon.  

John Milton (1608-1674)

God is truth and light his shadow. Wikipedia:shadow Psychology

Plato (427 BC-347 BC)

All truth is profound.

Herman Melville (1819-1891)

Truth is what stands the test of experience. 

Albert Einstein

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.

Mark Twain (1835-1910)

How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be when there's no help in the truth.

Sophocles (496 BC-406 BC)

A man should look for what is and not for what he thinks should be. 

Albert Einstein

Great spirits are always opposed by mediocre minds. 

Albert Einstein

All great truths begin as blasphemies. 

George Bernard Shaw

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. 

Arthur Schopenhauer

Truth bridges the gap between the empirical and the ethereal. 

Jack Getz