The Miracle of Turning Mourning Into Comfort

The Miracle of Turning Mourning Into Comfort

"Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted". Book of Matthew.

The Beatitudes are familiar platitudes that offer instruction and direction in the nature of righteousness and hope for the afflicted.

  

Taken at face value, the often interchangeable words Blessed and Happy are useful images of grace, but they fall short of reaching the full meaning of the original word "Blessed". In fact, it's not unreasonable to ask how things like meekness, woundedness, persecution and poverty can lead to happiness or a sense of being blessed. 

The mystical overtone of these promises defies common logic and leaves one wondering how it is possible to feel really good in bad situations. Some suggest that the back-loaded reward of each beatitude is not intended to be paid here and now but cashed in on that eternal day when all the crooked ways will be straight and the uneven places leveled. In truth the last beatitude suggests that those brave souls who are  persecuted for being righteous now will rejoice and be exceedingly glad because their reward in heaven will be great. 

It's easy to get into some trouble expecting that all the promises will accrue here on earth, yet there is some immediate reason for hope when reading "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled" or "Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

That sounds like now to me.

cal review of each beatitude, I want to focus on the issue of mourning and comfort because there is an overwhelming need for comfort, just in my world.  

Mourning is not something anyone willingly seeks, but is something that comes at times of loss. I have learned that the more intimate the loss, the more intense the mourning experience will be. If I spill a cup of coffee, I have an easily remedied loss on my hands, and my mourning should be limited to a flash of gentle anger or a splash of mild self reproach. 

As the consequences and intimacy of one's loss increases, however, the duration and intensity of mourning increase proportionally. When we lose things we may mourn, but because  a reasonably accommodating solution is within our grasp, we forget and go on. 

But when we lose people, important people, or some other irreplaceable commodity, the loss is unspeakably painful and maddeningly persistent. 

Human loss, the most exquisite of losses, takes many forms such as divorce, breakups, abandonments, separations, and the most difficult of all, death. So, as long as there is a possibility for recovery, there is hope. But when death removes our hope of reunion, it's opposite, despair sets in. 

Some people of faith take comfort in the idea that there will be some sort of happy reunion in the hereafter, so the sting of death is removed, at least to a degree and St. Paul suggests that without hope, we are most miserable people. 

He was right. Clearly a loss of some hope leads to despair, but a
complete loss of hope leads to desperation. When we witness a desperate act, there is a hopeless person behind it. 

I understand that some forms of mourning pass quicker than others. When I lost my aging parents, five weeks apart, I grieved intensely several months. And while I continue to mourn now, the acute pain is gone, replaced by fond but fading memories.  

Last year my sister's husband died instantly, without warning. My brother and friend of fifty years was suddenly gone. I still can't believe it and feel a loss that isn't easily overcome - as if overcoming such a loss is the best way to handle such moments. While my mourning was great, my sister's was far greater, and is still acute, every hour of every day. 

Yes, there are things we learn from our losses, hopefully many things, great losses always occupy our frontal lobe. Even when we hear someone is "doing okay", we fool ourselves into thinking that everything is back to normal for them, and they have "gotten on". Truthfully, with great loss there is no more acceptable normal. 

One friend lost her husband four years ago, and when asked how she is doing, she says, "Life goes on but it's not fun anymore". Another couple lost their beloved adult daughter about the same time, and while they don't sit around crying all day, they do spend a great deal of time thinking, sometimes weeping and always lamenting their unthinkable loss. 

Stories abound in all our lives about tragic losses of one kind or another.  Fortunately, there are two dynamics relating to loss that we can address: mourning and comfort. When Jesus said those who mourn will be comforted, even atheists pay attention. 

I BEATITUDE

In the Ancient Hellenistic Greek world, in which may New Testament teachings germinated, the word Blessed took two meanings. 

One was Beatitude, meaning emotional or eternal wellness. It was used to suggest that the inner person can find strength in difficult situations. 

Later Jesus used the word Blessed to describe a spiritual wellness that counters unseemly things like mourning, poorness, suffering and meekness. Such promises are not merely impractical words, but rest on the buttresses of internal strength and emotional calm, which in most cases is enough to carry one through tough times. 

When an individual has inner strength, or the order that creates peace, there is not much they can not overcome. The word Beatitude is variously interpreted as Blessed and/or Happy. Robert Schuller's best selling book, The Be Happy Attitudes went a long way to popularize the inherent power of positive thinking when confronted by difficult situations. It is in the inner parts of our psyche where the biggest battles are won...or lost.

II FELICITY

The other word the Greeks used to describe Blessing is Felicity, or those things related to one's physical and external prosperity. People tend to look at health, wealth or human symbols of success as blessings, even though such things may be the results of hard work, and sometimes good luck. 

For the record, Bill Gates wasn't blessed when he created Microsoft. He paid the price of success and was smart enough, when presented with opportunities,  investing 10,000 lonely hours learning how to make computers hum. The same is true for great musicians, doctors, artists, athletes or teachers. (See Malcolm Gladwell's book, Outliers for more on this subject).

[SIDEBAR: Contrary to what some say, our beautiful house is not a Felicity, it's the result of hard work, saving, sacrificing, wise choices and then making monthly payments, none of which were given to us. Some like to argue that it came from God, but I think if he gave it to us, there would be no loose ends, like mortgage payments. His blessings are undeserved graces, not hard-won outcomes.

Further, if he is in the giving away houses to good people business, why are some mafia homes better than ours, or Mother Teresa types worse?  Does he love some more or less than others?  Or does God operate on a sliding scale that rewards Americans more than Africans? 

Certainly I am grateful for our home, grateful that we have the skills and opportunities to earn the money to pay for it, grateful that I don't live in Nigeria and grateful that we have the capacity to make good choices regarding our resource allocation.]

When I started thinking about the nature of blessing, and the promise of comfort for my mourning sister and others, I discovered what it is that transforms mourning into comfort. It isn't achieved accidentally or automatically, but is both a mystery and an equation. 

First, look at what happens to mourning when three "Blessings" are removed from the equation:

 Mourning - Hope = Despair

 Mourning - Love =  Fear

 Mourning - Time =  Confusion/Turmoil

The absence of time, love and hope leave a mourner in a terrible state. Look at the three results above and see if that does not represent the early stages of mourning. If those three graces are not applied to the mourning soul, it lingers in a dark place.

Fortunately, there is another way of looking at mourning by adding the same three graces:

Mourning + Hope = Peace

Mourning + Love =  Trust

Mourning + Time =  Perspective/Calm

The transformational nature of grace is the secret behind the promise of comfort for the mourning. Grace comes, just as Beatitude does, first to the inner person via words of comfort, and second Felicitously to external issues through the loving and ongoing actions that practically demonstrate the positive power of love, hope and time. 

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted - by those who care. The miracle happens every time. 

Jack C. Getz

February 24, 2016

Sent from Jack's iPad