The Geezer Corps –

Reasonable Accommodations To Military Service For The Aging

Jack C. Getz

November 11, 2014

The nonexistence of America’s war on terror bothers me. Not because I oppose killing our avowed enemies, for in fact, I don’t, but because it stirs up some long-active guilt inside me,  stemming back to my sins of military omission 50 years ago. Although my feelings are irrational, guilt climbs out of its foxhole when I meet soldiers or attend Veteran’s Day celebrations, especially when the music encourages each brand of service the opportunity stand whether fight song is played. Watching the pride on the faces of the vets who often find it difficult to stand either on time, or for too long,  and seeing the universal admiration of friends, families and strangers, creates a lump of regret/envy in my stomach, that usually travels unexpectedly to my throat, and out my eyes as tears.    

Moral opposition to the Viet Nam War was not part of my teenage DNA back then. My creative draft-dodging activities was about one thing and one thing only, my desire to stay alive and whole.  Back then I was actually in favor of the war, until it got too close. In 1965, I was one of probably thirteen college students in the United States who thought the “Viet Nam Policing Action” was a good idea. In fact, I suspect all thirteen of us in the United States believed that keeping Communists from spreading throughout the Far East was in America’s best interests, not to mention the millions facing the horrors of being gobbled up by Chairman Mao’s brand of social reform. 

Watching the Huntley-Brinkley reports of body counts each night, and even losing a couple of friends over there didn’t help. In fact, both of those awful realities steeled my resolve to become a domestic hero at home, protecting college girls and adding another solid C student to my university.   

When things were really hot over there, every you man in America was glued to their black-and-white televisions as the newly-instituted Selective Services lottery ping pong balls popped up, one after another, each bearing either huge relief or debilitating disappointment for millions. When my birthday-ball popped up at #147 I believed someone was already licking the stamp for President Johnson’s personal letter to me, “congratulating” me on my forthcoming tour of duty in the United States Army.  My worst fear then was hearing from dear, sweet, Esther Lockwood, Kansas City’s draft board secretary. 

Now that I am pushing 70, I see things with a little more perspective, mostly because I survived the draft,  avoiding the war completely, except for its residuals of lost friends for seemingly little reason.  

Funny, now that I can’t serve in the military, I wish I could redeem those years. You know, make up for the choices I made back then. Don’t think too badly of me, I became a public school teacher,  later becoming a member of the cloth, giving some pretty good service that way. But my military service vacuum still creates those lumps and tears every once-in-awhile, but no amount of other kinds of service to society diminish those feelings.

I must be a soldier to release myself from that feeling.  

But clearly I am far too old to do military make-ups and and every November 11 I regret that I am not part of that revered group of Americans who served in the military at some time.  I wish there was something I could do now to render front-line help, not just paying taxes and voting. This is not about celebrating myself, as cool as that is, but about contributing more than I have here-to-fore, like putting my life on the line to defend the things I value most about being and American and preserving them for my grandsons.   

In 2006 Congress made a leap of faith, recognizing the military value of older Americans and raised the maximum age for induction into the service from thirty four to forty two. (The lower threshold is still seventeen - with parental permission. 1)  Unfortunately, only the U.S. Army and Army Reserve jumped on that opportunity to add maturity to their ranks, while the party-pooping Air Force and Coast Guard decided twenty seven was a maximum age that could trust someone to play nicely with their jets and boats. 

I take the position that now is the time for America to eliminate all upper-age enlistment discrimination and see who shows up. To cling to arbitrary age standards places millions of valuable older citizens in the same category as children. In the eyes of the military, neither has anything to contribute to their mission.  Sure, a few geriatric soldiers may occasionally forget to turn off their tank’s turn signal, like they do in Florida, but isn’t slightly-flawed aged service better than someone driving a Hummer under fire who needed their Mom’s approval to enlist? 

To help make sense of all of this I spent a day with my neighbor, Colonel Jerry Johns ®, U.S. Army Rangers combat commander and Purple Heart recipient. “It’s different now, Jack. Technology has changed everything.” he said. In WW II and later masses of soldiers and sailors were needed to fight Hitler’s racists and later Stalin’s and Mao’s disguised disposable millions - all of whom transported about in huge planes, slow choppers and gigantic ships. Back then, they thought night-vision binoculars were really cutting-edge technology because they were.   

Speaking of World War II record suggest that in the United States alone, over 16 million citizens served…a out of a population of about 130 million b — nearly one-eighth of the population. With 290 million Americans today c, the current combined size of the armed forces and National Guard is about 2 million d,e. The proportion of service people to the general population was 17 times larger during World War II.” 2  (According to eHow.com on October 12, 2014, the current estimates reduce the size of the military to about 1.43 million.)

The American people today wouldn’t stand for having 49 million soldiers at arms; besides, it would bankrupt our economy just to feed them. In The Future Of War, George and Meredith Friedman say that to feed a typical armored division today takes in excess of 3,000 tons of food per day.3  Based on my highly questionable homespun estimates of what it costs my wife and me to keep the pantry full, it could take about $15 million a day to feed a division of 10,000 - 20,000 soldiers. 4  Oddly, that that may explain why the U.S. military enlistment standards say there is no maximum weight limit to join the United States Military.5

Usually, if my army is bigger than yours is, I will usually win. But as Colonel Jerry says, things have changed. “It’s all about technology now. Six guys can do what a company used to do in Viet Nam because of modern weapons. Heck, they can launch a missile in Arizona that will hit a target in Iraq.” Strangely, even Jerry’s West Point education, 30 years of military leadership, Master’s and law degrees and a Purple Heart don’t keep him from being what the military considers senile. “I wouldn’t know where to begin any more. It’s all changed so much.” 

Lest you think I am suggesting that Jerry is senile, understand that in military jargon “senility” describes anything that has outlived its intended and most effective use. You see, they measure senility by a theoretical ratio between the cost of keeping things against their effective use.   

“The United States today has far and away the most successful military in the world. It has both global capabilities and the ability to bring overwhelming force to bear” and despite logistical, economic and geographical challenges they are “capable of multiplying the power of relatively small numbers of men … rendering these problems obsolete.” 6   

This may be what fuels today’s terrorists when they attack modern senile Goliath's in big buildings, embassies, civilian airplanes and anchored ships. Remember it was a David-sized rubber raft that crippled the mighty USS Cole on October 12, 2000. Virtually every day we hear reports from somewhere of suicide bombers detonating their backpack- sized bombs, killing and maiming thousands.  That’s why we are forced into cattle-like pens at airports and forced to put our dreadfully dangerous open bottles of mouthwash and hand lotion in the protective custody of a zippered plastic sandwich bag.

Great, you say?  That’s all interesting but so what?  

Here’s what. I am considerably shy of being completely senile, despite leaving the water running in the sink from time to time, or venturing out in public with my fly open, so I get those practical concerns about putting me in charge of the red button. So to compensate for age deficiencies I developed a few reasonable Accommodations or helpful Observations that will make military service for the fast-approaching senile feasible.

The Geriatric Accommodation Plan – GAP 

1) Technology  

Accommodation: Enlist people by skill, fitness and experience, not by BFR (Body Fat Ratios) or arbitrary age limits. Allow supply and demand to rule, accepting any individual with skills concomitant to military needs. Or, if you can maintain an active and attractive  Facebook or Twitter account, you qualify. 

             

 2) Mental

Accommodation: Enlisting geezers would make the tough job of military drill instructor much easier. Face it, their goal is to train the body and break the human spirit, making “minds right,”—ala’ Cool Hand Luke’s warden. The Supreme Court case Goldman v Weinberger, (Remember old Cap Weinberger?) reads like a Drill instructor’s manual: “The military must insist upon a respect for duty and a discipline without counterpart in civilian life. The essence of the military service ‘is the subordination of the desires and interests of the individual to the needs of the service.’” 7 

In other words, for the typical geezer married man, the work of indoctrinating and humiliating to achieve obedience and compliance to authority is already accomplished. So, it makes sense and saves save time to recruit old married men.  

3) Basic Training

Accommodation: I suggest the implementation of my Age Adjusted Response Program (AARP) as the cornerstone of this plan. Fir example if eighteen year olds are required to do fifty push-ups and run a mile with a fifty pound pack, the AARP sliding scale says a sixty year old would do fifteen push-ups and run 584 yards with fifteen pound pack. *

*AARP formula: Divide the required task number by the participant’s age. So 100 push-ups divided by eighteen yields a 5.5 “age to task ratio.” (ATTR) Therefore, 100 push-ups divided by age 60 yields an ATTR of 1.66, or about 30% of requirement. The AARP assures that everyone can finish training activities. After all, isn’t that, as Martha Stewart would say, a “good thing?”  

4) Physical Health 

Accommodation: Anticipate health issues by requiring that all graduating Geezers install mandatory pace makers, undergo preventative hernia surgery, have all dentures secured with Crazy Glue and receive complete hip and knee replacements immediately upon enlistment.

5) Medications

Accommodation: All “K Rations” issued to the Geezer Corps should include a two month supply of basics: Blood thinners, glycerin pills, Bayer, Gas-Ex, Beano, Garlica, Preparation H, Tums/Rolaids, Ben Gay, Ace Bandages, Imodium, hearing aide batteries, hard boiled egg cups with timers, matches, decaf coffee pods, low -cal sweetener, Ex-Lax, Cialis (only for emergencies) and spearmint Tic Tacs. The kids can carry all the heavy high- tech weaponry. Geezers will be much more productive in the long run if allowed to carry their fifteen pounds in meds.  

6) Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

Observation: For the record, on no less than seven times the Supreme Court has ruled against hampering the military with the frivolous nature of Title VII or the Federal Civil Rights Law of 1964. 8  Everyone, except old people, are welcome in the military. We clearly need a ground swell of “gray panthers” to pressure Congress to gradually eliminate military age discrimination and eliminate all age-related question from soldiers. Unfortunately, time is something we don’t have enough of to burn.    

7) Life and Death

Observation: Some say that old age and treachery trump strength and youth. While controversial, it is undeniable that the more skill, experience and maturity one brings to the table,  the less age should matter. In fact, one wily Army veteran once told me, “I guarantee if a world-class surgeon wanted to join up today they’d make them a general tomorrow!” Aren’t most geezers at least as emotionally stable as the lady astronaut who drove across country in a diaper to shoot her romantic rival?

I am now prepared to die in battle if it means I go out in a blaze of glory with a few modern dozen terrorist infidels in tow. If you doubt that Geezers are disposable than the kids check out our new health care system. Clearly, many would proudly volunteer to be part of America’s first elite battalion of fifteen pound backpack, diaper-clad Geezers, especially when so little training is required.  

What now?

A few days ago in the mall, I spotted a gent who proudly wore his USS Donner cap. Here was a real World War II hero with a second opinion about my Geezer Corps idea.  Ron Huch (pronounced Huck), is a spry 82 year old, as tough as his name sounds.  Ron who told me he loses 1,200 WW II buddies each day, listened warily but soon smiled and said, “Yah. I suppose it could work…depending on the individual.” to which he added, “As long as they do their duty, keep up and not endanger anyone. Sure. Why not?” What else is needed? And authentic WW II hero endorsed my idea. 

Admittedly, there’s a long road ahead for this “win-win” campaign to be accepted, especially by another WW II vet.  And sadly, by then, I‘ll probably be too old to contribute much anyway.  

But maybe, just maybe, the next generation of Geezers will benefit from my campaign, and I can live with that. But right now, I maybe ought to go check out the military history channel and remember the sacrifice the real heroes made that make it possible for me to sit and ruminate about how I wish I was one of them. 

Thanks for your service. 

 1-  About.com:US Military website. (About.com/od/jointhemilitary/a/enliststandards.html)

  2- Darrellplant.com. http://www.darrelplant.com/blog_item.php?ItemRef=71. 

1 Universal Almanac (1994), p.126,
² Universal Almanac (1994), p.282,
³ U.S. Bureau of the Census Web home page
⁴ U.S. Department of Defense Directorate for Information Operations and Reports, Active Duty Military Strength by Fiscal Year - FR 1950 through FY2002.
⁵ Army National Guard web site, Financial Statements 2003

3- The Future Of War George and Meredith Freidman. Page 32  

4 -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_division. 

5-About.com:US Military website. (About.com/od/jointhemilitary/a/enliststandards.html)

6 The Future Of War George and Meredith Freidman. Page 19 

7 About.com:US Military website. (About.com/od/jointhemilitary/a/enliststandards.html)  

8  Ibid.

Copyright 2014

Jack C. Getz

Tucker, Georgia