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I'd like to discuss the matter of repentance.
Some believe repentance is saying "I'm sorry". We heard that in the old 1970's movie, Love Story, that love is a place where we never have to say "I'm sorry". In one respect I understand the sentiment. If we love someone there ought to be some serious tolerance or grace toward them and vise versa. But, I can't imagine when it's ever inappropriate to apologize, if we have been abusive with or insensitive toward another person.
I find myself saying "I'm sorry" much more than I like. The reason is not that I don't like to apologize - on the contrary, I find the act to be exhilarating and cleansing, but I hate the fact that I can say things - usually in an attempt to be clever- are taken wrong or that I might put another person in a position of feeling vulnerable, humiliated or even unsafe.
Just recently I was less gracious than I want to be with three individuals, at church, of all places. While my comments were completely harmless, in trying to be clever or sound intelligent, I embarrassed myself and needed to apologize to three people before lunch. My vows and values to be gracious in all encounters didn't last very long that day.
Some would say I just had a bad morning, but think I failed the repentance test.
When we fail to make the changes that we desire in our behavior, we exist in what I call the Repentance Gap. That's the place between our regrets, remorse or apologies and the next opportunity to repeat an offense. If we don't repeat, we have repented.
Repentance is not just apologizing or promising better behavior. Those who are abusive by nature-physically, verbally or emotionally- always apologize and make promises but they do it again. But their repentance is not complete because don't understand what Martin Luther meant when he said that true repentance means "to do it no more."
So, if not having to say "I'm sorry" means measured communications and behaviors as well as living so apologies are not needed, I think they got it right.
The good news is that if we blow it and long to turn the clock back and try again, we can find hope in the teachings of Steven Covey. He says when we break trust with another person, the only way to restore it is to make and keep small promises. (My paraphrase)To do this is proactive and responsive, not reactive and repetitive.
Our grand apologies, even if accompanied by tears, chocolates and flowers, are empty if bad persists. The only way to rebuild a damaged wall is to reverse the process of the damage-brick by brick. And the only way to avoid broken trust is to learn to live so we won't break it. Until that happens, all forms of repentance are just remorse.
The people I admire the most are those who are good to their word and live their values with grace. Living one's values is done by knowing what is valued and exercising the character and commitment needed to respond to life in the context of those values.
What do you think?
What Matters About Me
- Jack C. Getz
- I am who I am, not what I have done. For those who care about pedigree, I have little more than being a former public school teacher and a pastor/denominational adminstrator. The following insights come from a couple of tests I took. They may explain why I am a Contrarian and why I decided to do a blog about it. The first test is a standardized personality profile. The second is something strange called a Brain Type test! 1)“Jack lives outside traditional boundaries and ahead of the curve. When others focus on limitations, Jack creates new possibilities and ideas. He is a doer, not just a dreamer. Well grounded in reality, logic and analytical thinking. He enjoys meeting and working with other creative and ambitious people...a fearless leader. Only 3-5% of U.S. population has these qualities.” 2) Jack's Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means he has exceptional verbal skills. He can can easily make sense of complex issues and takes an unusually creative approach to solving problems. His strengths also make him a visionary. Even without trying he's able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. (Like blogging as Contrarian?)
This challenges common ideas about the purpose of praying. Not a rehash of old dogma.
Click Image to purchase - Search Jack Corbin Getz Or Check major online book sellers.
I would say that you succeeded in the repentance test. You felt convicted enough to approach three people before lunch!
ReplyDeleteLike Paul, you know what you want to do do, and sometimes you don't do it. Alas, you are still human! But of course the good news, as you have rightly pointed out, is that God loves us humans.
I agree with your conclusion, however: "Living one's values is done by knowing what is valued and exercising the character and commitment needed to respond to life in the context of those values." Very well said.
I suspect, though, that this is the ultimate journey of our lives this side of heaven. And my hope rests in the fact that God looks at the heart, even when we don't quite hit the mark.
(I'm still thinking about what I think about the "repentance gap"--an interesting concept.)
Let the conversation continue!